


Effort and Understatements

by orphan_account



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of immortal alec, Proposal rejection, Romance, mentions of mortal magnus, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 01:02:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12048066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Their lives were a wash of effort and understatements and that was fine, because sometimes you needed both to make things work.





	1. Chapter 1

"No," the words echoed in the agonising silence as Alec tried to process what was happening. He had just asked the man he loved to marry him and he had turned him down.

He was fused to the spot, unable to lift his knee from the floor for fear that he would fall. His whole world was upside down. He was broken, body and soul, and Magnus could see that in every inch of Alec's face.

Taking a knee as well Magnus lowered himself to the floor. He rested one hand on Alec's bent leg and cupped his face with the other, bringing Alec's face back up to his. Alec was confused by the touch, his mind racing with a thousand thoughts at once. Sensing this internal war Magnus broke the silence first.

"Alexander, please… don't take this to mean that I don't love you… I do… so much that I will never be able to fully express that to you."

"I know you do," Alec said standing, unconsciously backing away as Magnus stepped closer to him, "you just don't want to marry me … I shouldn't have asked… I'm sorry."

Magnus' heart sank, Alec had nothing to apologise for. In fact, he should be the one saying sorry. He had very strong feelings on marriage that had nothing to do with their relationship, he should have made that clear to Alec long before things got this far, but it had never occurred to him that they would. No-one had ever stayed this long before. Alec was the exception to every rule, and Magnus was constantly surprised by him.

"Look at me" Magnus pleaded, taking Alec by the arm as he started to walk away. Alec hadn't met his eyes since Magnus had answered. "It's not that I don't want to marry you. Marriage **_is_** a wonderful institution," he said echoing an old sentiment, "It's a pledge to spend the rest of your life with someone," he paused, how to explain this without Alec feeling like he was lacking in some way," but I made a decision a long time ago to never make that pledge to someone else if I couldn't keep it. As much as I want to, the rest of my life isn't something I can give to you."

"Ok," Alec said, his voice void of emotion. He'd just bled out every last one he had.

But it wasn't ok. Magnus knew that Alec would be questioning everything about himself, about them. He'd never believed that he deserved all the things that he had.

"This isn't a reflection on my love for you Alexander, I want to cherish every moment I have with you…. until I can't do that anymore," he added as an after thought, he didn't like to dwell on thoughts like that.

"Sounds a lot like a marriage to me" Alec said, firmly but not cold. He just didn't understand the difference.

"I know, but I can't make that promise to you… or to myself, it isn't fair."

Alec sighed in resignation, he was hurt, there was no denying that, but he couldn't help but understand Magnus in some way. Forever wasn't an easy promise when only one of you was immortal. Alec would leave Magnus one day whether he wanted to or not, he had no choice in that. Maybe by not making that vow, that day would be just the tiniest bit easier for Magnus when it came.

"I understand," Alec said, "I won't pretend it doesn't hurt, but I understand."

They stood in awkward silence for what seemed like an eternity until Alec's cell phone broke the silence. "It's Jace" Alec said, "I should get this…..Yeah, what's up?" he asked, trying to mask the pain he was in.

"He said no?" was all Jace said, he could feel Alec's anguish across town.

"Yeah, that's right," Alec said feigning that he was talking business, "I'll be right there…I've got to go," he said to Magnus, hanging up.

"Ok," Magnus said, nervous as Alec headed to the door, "I'm not going anywhere."

"I'm not sure how late I'll be… so uh, don't wait up ok?"

Alec closed the door behind him leaving Magnus alone in the loft they now shared as a home. Magnus' eyes fell to the ring box discarded on the floor. Alec had dropped it, unable to keep his grip as the pain took hold. His fingers played with the latch but he didn't dare open it, it felt wrong to. He walked to his safe and sealed the ring away, hoping that he wasn't locking away the love that had come with it as well.

It was past midnight when Alec climbed into bed that night, weary and tired to the bone, but not from his job as a Shadowhunter. His heart ached, he'd been completely ripped open.

Izzy and Jace had spent the day comforting him, it had helped, but he still hurt so much. Magnus lay with his back to him and Alec just started at him for the longest time, realisation finally setting in that, yes, he would love be able to call Magnus his husband, but he already had the gift of calling Magnus "his" and that was enough.

"Magnus," Alec whispered, lips almost touching his ear,

"My love," Magnus replied turning to face him, he had clearly not slept all.

Alec smiled a crooked smile at the name and settled himself into Magnus' arms.

"Alexander, I'm sorry," Magnus started but was silenced by a kiss.

"It's ok," Alec smiled, finding that he truly meant it this time, "I don't need a ring or a piece of paper to know that I love you…and that you love me. You show me that everyday and that is all I need. I don't want to spoil the time that we have together with any awkwardness because of this, can we just go back to us?"

"Of course….. and thank you for understanding my decision…. I am yours and yours alone, for as long as you will have me."

"Then I'll keep you for my forever," Alec whispered, knowing Magnus would understand. Alec couldn't be Magnus' forever, but Magnus would always be his.

"Forever," Magnus whispered softly, stroking Alec's hair as he slept, "I would give up every second of mine to have even one more day with you, my love. Forever is nothing, if you aren't there to share it with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited since first posting to add lines re immortal Alec as I had only hinted at mortal Magnus. I originally just wrote mortal Magnus as it was the way story unfolded but then I started thinking more about it, would he have to give up his magic, would he want to give up his life, what if they had immortal kids etc so I’ve left Ambiguous...and that way it’s open to the readership preference as I know some people have strong feelings re this so hopefully it caters to both viewpoints now ...


	2. Chapter 2

Magnus?" Alec called from the bedroom door. He stepped out half clothed and barefoot to find Magnus sitting frozen still in the darkness, wrapped in one of the sheets they had thrown off of them that night. "Magnus… are you ok?"

Magnus blinked and shook himself out of his own head, drawing his eyes slowly away from the safe and thoughts of the one item it stored that he was too afraid to touch…. but found that he wanted to.

This wasn't the first sleepless night he'd had, but it was the first time that Alec had caught him out. He was thankful for that, as any other night and Alec would have found him scouring every spell book he had for any way to channel his immortality into something he could use, something he actually wanted…. a lifetime, just one, with Alexander. Alec had often hinted at spending their lives together, Magnus understanding the hidden meaning in his words... Alec would become immortal for him if they knew how.... but Magnus didn’t know how to ask Alec so big a question. Either way, he’d searched high and low for either solution. Mortality for him or immortality for Alec, they could cross that bridge if the time came. He’d had hints of promise in some of his rarest texts but his search was mostly fruitless, and he daren't ask other Warlocks for help. The idea that the High Warlock of Brooklyn would give up immortality… for a Shadowhunter no less, would likely not be taken well. And that he would dare offer that same Shadowhunter eternity... He couldn't risk disquiet between their people for so selfish a reason.

It also didn't help that every time he closed his eyes he relived the moment that he’d turned Alec down, the image of Alec's broken heart burning deeper into his soul. Despite Alec's assertions that everything would be fine, the first few weeks after had been tinged with an uneasy nervousness and Magnus still couldn't shake the fear that he had made Alec feel like he wasn't enough…. that he was undeserving of the one thing he wanted. Magnus' didn't fear much, but the thought that Alec may leave him one day for someone who could give what he had refused haunted his dreams. Would Alexander find someone new and leave Magnus all alone with only memories of love to taunt him.

"Hey, What's wrong?" Alec whispered, settling down on his knees in front of Magnus' chair.

Magnus looked away, that painful memory searing ever deeper at the sight of Alec before him like that.

"I'm fine…Let's go back to bed."

They walked hand in hand back to the bedroom and Alec surveyed Magnus cautiously. He wasn't fine, but Alec knew not to push tonight. They both knew by now what “I'm fine” really meant.

"I know you care and I'll tell you when I'm ready"

X x x

"Well, I'll say one thing for the Seelie Queen," Magnus quipped overly-cheerful as they walked into Alec's office, "she's never dull."

"Ok, Magnus, that's it, I can't do this anymore," Alec said running a hand through his hair exasperated, "Oh god….. no…. that's not what I meant," he rambled as Magnus' panic stricken face filled his vision.

He had just balled up every one of Magnus' fears and thrown them right in his face.

Alec rounded the desk, taking Magnus hands in his as Magnus sank into the chair, "That's not what I meant," Alec repeated slowly, stroking his thumb over Magnus' hand. "Something's wrong Magnus, and I just meant that I can't pretend not to notice anymore."

Magnus sighed deeply, both in relief and nervousness, there was no point in saying he was fine now, Alec could always see right through him. Racking his brain for any way of explaining what was going on in there, he just blurted out the first insane thing his mind fixated on.

"Alexander, will you marry me?” He surprised them both by the words. He had been toying with the idea of asking, afraid that Alec would leave him before he could find a solution to forever if he didn't, but never actually pictured himself saying the words out loud, and certainly not while he was a nervous wreck in Alec's office of all places.

Alec stood up slowly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. He wanted nothing more than to say yes but he knew he couldn't.

"No Magnus" he said sadly, a small shake of his head.

"I thought this is what you wanted?" Magnus walked toward him, ringing his hands nervously.

"I do," Alec said, rolling his eyes at himself as the irony of those words hit him too late, "but not like this."

He leaned back against his desk, pulling Magnus flush to him, hands resting on each other's hips. " I don't want to be married to you knowing that the only reason you asked is you were afraid I would leave if you didn't."

"That's not….."

"I know you Magnus," Alec cut off the lie kindly, "you've been worrying about me feeling unwanted ….. haven't you?"

Alec hadn't known that was the concern at the time but now it all made sense. Magnus knew that Alec had harboured that insecurity for a long time when they were first together. He hadn't understood how someone like Magnus could choose him when he could have the world. He wished he'd done enough to show Magnus that he hadn't worried about that in a long time.

"No," Magnus said sheepishly, a crinkle in his brow that almost had Alec smiling despite the atmosphere, "....it's not the only reason I asked."

"Maybe not," Alec wrapped his arms higher around Magnus' waist, "but as long as the thought of it keeps you up at night, then I can't say yes."

Magnus opened his mouth to speak and Alec smirked kindly, "don't try to tell me that it hasn’t been. You might have come back to bed most nights before I woke up but I can feel when you're not there."

Leaning in and hugging Magnus' shoulders he whispered into his ear, "and don't think I don't know why you've been trying to bore a hole into the safe with your glare either." Alec hadn't opened the safe but it didn't take a genius to figure out what was in there.

"I didn't look at it," Magnus said quickly, drawing his eyes level with Alec's. It was important to Magnus that Alec knew that.

"It's yours Magnus, if you want it, it'll be there waiting for you…. but if you don't, that's ok too." Alec said, knowing Magnus would understand the double meaning. Alec wouldn't ask again but the door was still open, it was Magnus' choice and Alec would be there whichever one he made.

"You will never know how much I love you,Alexander." He said placing a kiss to his lips falling deeper with every second.

"If it's anything like how I love you, then I have a pretty good idea." Magnus smiled into Alec's lips, he didn't know when or how but he knew in that moment that he would ask Alec that most important question again.


	3. Chapter 3

Magnus lay on his side, watching the slow rise and fall of Alec's chest as the sunlight started to pour through the window, mesmerised by the way his eyelashes rested softly against his skin. He was constantly amazed at the gentleness exuded by a man capable of such strength.

Running a hand through Alec's hair, he smiled as the sleeping man let out a soft sigh. Magnus never wanted to imagine a time when he couldn't wake up to this feeling.

He was no closer to finding a solution for their “forever problem” as he had lovingly come to call it. He had told Alec what he wanted to do and only loved Alec more at his insistence that Magnus shouldn't give up something so precious "just for him." Alec still didn't see that nothing else in the world was more precious than him.

Again, Alec had offered to find some way to extend his life so they could be together and after many in depth conversations they had agreed to explore both options and make the decision together when the time came.

Tracing lines on Alec's skin, he realised that his decision never to pledge forever to someone was redundant now. Whether they found a solution or not the Shadowhunter had been his forever from that very first moment in the club.

Magnus couldn't change that anymore than he could see the future, so why deny Alec, no … why deny them **both** what they wanted.

"Alexander my love." He whispered,

"Hmm," Alec murmured, eyes still closed as he nuzzled his head into Magnus' shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist.

"Will you marry me?"

"Hmmm," Alec sighed again, a ghost of a smile on his face, "I think you're still dreaming Magnus." He answered, thinking that Magnus was talking in his sleep.

"If I was, you would have said yes by now," Magnus teased playfully, causing Alec to slowly blink open his eyes.

"You're awake?" Alec asked, his mind not yet working at full capacity and struggling to comprehend what he had just heard.

"Not the most conventional answer," Magnus laughed, playing with Alec's hands, " I think people usually tend to go with yes or no."

"How long have you been awake?" Alec queried, still somewhat thrown and worried that this was the result of another sleepless night like before.

"You're really going to make me work for it this time aren't you?" Magnus joked, throwing on a robe as he jumped out of bed, "fine, wait here."

Alec lay back and stared at the ceiling letting it all sink in. Could this actually be happening for real this time? Pulling on some sweat pants Alec headed in the direction Magnus had gone.

"I said wait there," Magnus mock scolded, hiding something quickly behind his back.

"You can't propose with that," Alec smiled, eyebrow cocked as he eyed the open safe door, "I bought that for you."

"Well…. I _have_ asked you twice now so…." Magnus mused passing the box between his hands.

"Oh really," Alec scoffed walking towards him, "I suppose I better even the score then…. even though I did ask you first."

The room filled with a hopeful tension as Alec dropped to one knee, eyes never moving from Magnus' as he slid the box from his hand.

"Magnus Bane," Alec let out a shaky breath, "will you marry me, Alexander Lightwood?”

Magnus couldn't stop the smile that came over him as Alec stressed each syllable of his full name, he so rarely heard it from lips other than his own.

"Yes," Magnus breathed, the word catching in his throat as he fought back tears of joy and pulled Alec into a long, deep kiss.

"About time," Alec laughed breathlessly as they parted, "well then, maybe you should finally open this."

"I think you're supposed to do the honours," Magnus said pushing the ring towards Alec's chest gently.

"When did you become so traditional?" Alec laughed at the thought. Magnus Bane…. traditional…. never!

Magnus waved away the other rings he was wearing with effortless magic as Alec opened the box, hands shaking with excitement.

"It's not much," Alec said smiling at Magnus' gesture, "but I hope you like it."

Magnus held the simple silver band in the palm of his hand, "its perfect," he smiled, eyes catching on the inscription inside as he lifted it up.

_"You will always be worth the effort."_

Alec cast his eyes down, suddenly self conscious of the words he had placed there long ago. Words were never his strong suit.

Tears flowed freely from Magnus eyes as he let out a knowing smile at the sentiment that to some might be considered a veiled insult. But they knew better.

Alec matched his smile as he placed the ring on Magnus finger as a pulse of blue light from Magnus' right hand drew his attention away.

Magnus placed his curled fist into Alec's palm dropping a small object there before closing Alec's hand with a small kiss. Whisps of blue trailed from Magnus lips and swirled around Alec's hand as he opened it to find a matching silver band.

The metal pulsed warmly in his hand when it connected with the magic, a faint glow of white emitting from the centre. Alec watched in awe as the words etched into it.

 _"Our love will never be an understatement_."

Alec felt his lip quiver as the words registered and fought back a happy sob. Magnus placed the ring on Alec's finger, before entwining his hand with his own.

"Show off," Alec kissed into Magnus' neck.

"You know you love it," Magnus answered in playful smugness, wrapping his arms around Alec's neck.

"Yes I do," Alec agreed as he led them back to their room, "yes I do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edited for same reason as the last chapter


End file.
